In Him Will I Trust

If I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

(Psalm 139: 9-12)

Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.

(Isaiah 50:10)

He that dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

(Psalm 91: 1-2)

I can't remember when I have felt so little able to get perspective, to understand, to see. I've lost my bearings. Sometimes I feel just like a very small boat on a very large sea. 

But there is One who speaks to me out of the dark; One who holds my hand and draws me forward, despite my small-child fears and my tiredness. He is the One who gently says "No" to my alternate pleading and storming for answers, for perspective, for sight. I want to understand and feel secure and go forward in knowledge, but He bids me hold tight to him and go along without seeing, without knowing, without any governor but Him for my wind-swept emotions.

It is He, the merciful Jesus, to whom I go; before whom I bow; at whose feet I rest. Though I fear what awaits in the darkness; though I am often overwhelmed by the tension in my own heart, he is with me, and I am his, and he loves me.

Dear, gentle Jesus! When will the day come that I will know him as he knows me? When will I love him with a free heart? When will I be fully free of that misguided self-seeking that would deny him; that raises fists against him who loves me best?

Against the darkness; against my longing to know and understand; against the fear that sometimes wraps itself about me, I choose Jesus. I will trust in him. I will trust his love for me.

Whatever comes, Jesus will fill my life with the rich warmth of his light and his love. It is no longer the gifts he gives, but him that I seek. He goes with me. What other good will I look for?