Jesus loves me, this I knowLord, I bow to You. You give Good. You give Good. I will believe it. You who let Your precious Son be beaten in my place - You I can trust. I do not understand Your way. I am cold and tired and I want to go home now. I don't know why you brought me here. I don't know why you let me feel like this - so betrayed and lost and left. But I know that You love me. You are not lacking either power to help or care for my hurt. Neither can You forget. I am graven on the palms of Your hands. And so, I am left with a seeming contradiction - my pain and Your omnipotence and love. This is the root of the whole world's groaning and sighing, Father. It is not hard to understand why they choose the lesser lie, rejecting Your existence, since the apparent alternative (Your lack, either of power or of love) is too hideous.
For the Bible tells me so.
Who are You, then, God? You are not the One I have imagined. Great mysterious Creator, Giver, Lover. What moves You? Why are You so inscrutable? How is it that You can love so deeply and yet remain so silent in my pain and my confusion? Yet I will trust You. Yet I will let You hurt me. I would give You my best, Lover of my soul. I have no one else but You, neither in heaven nor on earth. I am Yours to hurt or to save. I surrender to You. Slay me or lift me up. I know nothing except Your love for me, shown in the giving of Your Son.
YHWH. I call your name with every breath. Without understanding, I bow. Without feeling, I choose. Come and save me, above all, from myself. Let me honour Your name.
1 comment:
Dear, sweet Jen, my heart breaks for you. I want to wipe away your tears and hug you until your sobs are silent. It pains me to know that you are hurting. I ask God, "Why? Why is her life so hard?" If only I could take the hurt for you! God tells me that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." That is such a wonderful promise! "Joy cometh!"
I pray that day comes quickly for you. God is faithful, that we know. If only we could understand His ways!
Praying for you and loving you so much it hurts.
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