Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Heart Training

“This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘In this place, desolate and without people or animals—in all its towns there will again be pastures for shepherds to rest their flocks. In the towns of the hill country, of the western foothills and of the Negev, in the territory of Benjamin, in the villages around Jerusalem and in the towns of Judah, flocks will again pass under the hand of the one who counts them,’ says the Lord.
“ ‘The days are coming,’ declares the Lord, ‘when I will fulfill the good promise I made... (Jeremiah 33:12-14)
Father of my heart, it is hard to wait when I don't know what I'm waiting for. It is hard to not understand where this is going. But Your purpose is not to frustrate me. I will hold tight to You. I will let You hurt me. I will feel the heaviness of this that You give, and I will let it press upon me, and all that is crushed in me will be Yours. I will give this to You as a thank offering for who You are and what You have done. 

I remember days when I saw things as You see them. I felt the weight and the warmth of all that You say is real and great, and the brightness of the wonder of You. I knew Your voice and I loved You. Though I am a stone, dim and cold and senseless, I know that You are the same today as You were then.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8)
I cannot imagine what You are doing. But You are greater than my imagination, and I know that I will thank You in the end, so I will thank You now - for every hurt, for every painful step of this way that You are bringing me. I will trust that the way up is down; that these chains bring freedom; that this shame brings honour; that what looks foolish from every human perspective is Your deep wisdom. You alone know how weak I am, and how narrow my perspective is, and yet - what is in my power to give, I give to You. 

I cry to You. I seek Your face. Help me to do this Your way. Let me honour You. Let me break my whole life open on Your feet and worship You without reserve - mind and heart and will together.


mama said...

Dear, sweet Jen, the Lord has laid on my heart to tell you that joy cometh! Weeping may be here, but joy cometh. Never let the enemy convince you that God wants to hurt you or cause you pain. The enemy is the one who brings pain. God only gives good gifts. His promise is true. He has not forgotten you. He is working in all things for your good.
I can't wait for April so I can hug you. xoxo Mama

jennypo said...

Thank you, dear praying Mother-heart. I am surprised how easily the lie that God doesn't care for me creeps in and entangles itself with my mixed-up thinking. If I am not careful, I accept it without realizing. It is a lie, and I will fight it with the truth that He who makes my way also let His Son suffer on a cross. He is kinder than I expect him to be, and better than I hope.