Lies I Have Believed #3

 Lie #3

I can't ask for help because I will scare people away. My needs are too big and too crazy. I can give help, but I can't ask for it. 

Nobody wants the weak me. I can't connect unless I am strong enough to be the giver.

I need to put everyone else's needs first and focus on meeting them, even if it means stepping on myself to do it. 

The Truth:

Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you... And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.” (1 Samuel 20:4, 17)

When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor. David said, “Mephibosheth!” “At your service,” he replied. “Don’t be afraid,” David said to him, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.” Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” Then the king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. You and your sons and your servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson of your master, will always eat at my table.” (Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.) Then Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s a table like one of the king’s sons. (2 Samuel 9:6-11)

Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech... (Genesis 20:17)

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. (James 5:16) 

Healthy relationships involve trust, mutual reliance, asking and receiving, and everyone is weak sometimes. Life has a way of turning around so that one who asks and receives gets to give as well. Both are necessary for a good friendship, and also for lots of other relationships. 

I don't really even understand what my needs are. They seem big and crazy because they are feelings, not ideas. Feelings are human, and even though they can be difficult, they draw people together. 

It takes time and experience and wisdom - and healing - to figure out how to show up for the people we love. People might be put off by my needs, but they might be scared because they are trying to manage their own big, crazy needs. These things go deep and they are HARD. Seeing my own weakness can give me compassion for someone who struggles to give what I want from them. In any case, I can ask for help without being ashamed. 

...there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. (Psalm 27:10)

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. (Psalm 13:5)

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27)

 For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. (Psalm 84:11)

If people fail me, I have the nearest of Friends waiting to care for me. He will not fail.

Sometimes a struggling person is like a drowning person, and it takes a really strong swimmer to reach out to help without getting pulled in themselves. Sometimes the wise thing for any of us to do is to wait until the struggle has gone and a friend in need is too tired to fight. We can rely on each other for support, but Jesus must be our rescuer. He is the one who has overcome what overcomes us.

In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting for God, for whom and through whom all things exist, to make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. (Hebrews 2:10)

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will return to You.… (Psalm 51:12, 13) 

I like to be a giver, and when I have the strength and emotional stability to reach out, it is a beautiful thing. But doing damage to myself in order to maintain my role as the giver is not healthy or good. I can only give what God gives me. 

It is okay for me to be weak.

My weakness, surrendered to God, can be a gift to other weak people. When I have revealed my wounds, others may be made bold to reveal theirs. Hurt can foster compassion.

Even Jesus was imperfect - incomplete - without suffering. God gives us this to complete us, just as he accepted it himself. This is how we become God-like: by learning the truth of what is and letting it scar us. 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4:7-10)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

This is not the end. If I am weak, I can learn and grow and become. I am not trapped here forever. Even what damages me is growing something beautiful. I do not need to despair, but fix my eyes on the unseen. God is able to turn my destruction into glory. The Redeemer of all things is near, and he will go this hard way with me. 

I am not trash, but a seed whose death leads to life. But a seed cannot water itself, or reach for sunlight. Its growth comes from outside. I am not responsible to grow myself. God is faithful, and he will rescue.