Friday, 22 June 2012

Walk Beside Me

So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. (1Peter 4:19)

I want to! Really, I do, but sometimes it is so hard to know what is good. We talk a lot about "following" God. As if he's up ahead, and we can just put our feet in his steps and go along. But he means for us to put our hand in his and walk along beside...knowing where and how to go because we share his Spirit. This is a lot easier than following. It's easier because he gives us his understanding and his strength. But it's harder, too...because it means making room in our minds, hearts, lives, for his thoughts and his way and him. It means knowing him, not just his words. Sometimes it is simpler to mechanically place our feet in his steps.

There are so many things these days that I can't understand...and so many times I just wish it was clear what I should do and how I should go. I feel like I can't even trust my own thinking. And maybe part of the problem is that God doesn't mean for me to have a simple way of figuring out what is the right thing and then doing it. Maybe he wants me to just go along with him, step by step, not even knowing what the steps are, but trusting, and learning, and eventually understanding on a deeper level what is his way.

Faithful Creator. Father. Friend. Here I am, hurt hurt hurt. And confused. And so awfully, shamefully weak. I need your help. I have reached the limit of my understanding. I don't know anything anymore. Except you. You are Good. You are beautiful. You know me and love me, weakness and weirdness and all. You always forgive me.

I am sorry for being satisfied with just following when you have called me to walk with you. Hold my hand tight and draw me along with you. Let me go beside you, even though I don't know the way. Shine your light into my heart, and deal with my selfishness and my weakness. Fill in all my holes with your love. Make me more than I am.

“If you agree with God’s purpose, He will bring not only your conscious life, but all the deeper regions of your life which you cannot get at, into harmony.”
- Oswald Chambers

There are so many places in my own heart I can't get at...can't nudge, can't shift, can't tweak, can't change. Can't even see what's right and what's wrong. Father, I agree with your purpose. I will go along with you. Bring me into harmony with you.

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