Father, here I am again. Afraid, again. Afraid that You aren't the One I thought You were; afraid that the Good you give is less than the Good I can imagine; afraid that I am just too not-enough to expect You to make my life into something. I am bringing this fear to You because underneath, I know it is a lie. I know that You cannot be less that the God who suffered, that You cannot give less than the greatest Good, that You had a plan when You made me, and that I am precious to You.
Break me down, if you will, but build me back up again. Use this fear and this weakness for something. Bring out of this roiling confusion a light and a song that will echo your praise far beyond my life and my paltry dreams. All that I have comes from You and all that I am belongs to You. I confess my wrong - my twisted thinking and lack of faith - before You. Father, I lack the power to change myself: change me. I wait for You. Order my thoughts and straighten my way. Let me see spiritual truth. Remove from me this deep self-hatred that raises itself against You, despising what You have made and whispering - always whispering - cruel, unceasing criticism of the me that You love. Remind me who You are.
1 comment:
Reading Psalm 27 today made me think of you...of how you told me to sing in the face of my disappointments and dispair. David seems to do this. He writes of his fears, his struggles and then he writes of the love and power of his God. He feels the pain and struggle, but he chooses to put words on his lips that praise the God who is, the God who is GOOD! I cannot control my feelings, but I can use my will to praise God, whether I feel like it or not :)
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