Friday, 31 May 2013

Locked In and Left

Life has just eaten me up today. It opened wide its jaws and chewed me up and swallowed me down-down-down, and I am in pieces and unreasonable and I find no thought that gives me rest or comfort. There is neither love nor logic in me. I am tears and hardness, nothing more.

Why can I not touch God? Why is his face hidden from me? Who will save me? Who will keep me from the great stinking hate that rises up from my hurt and stifles all in me that would please God?

Jesus who died, come and rescue me from myself. Come and speak - just speak - into this darkness and haze. I need Your word more than I need anything else. I am disappointed in the great weakness I find in myself, and I am confused. Why do You leave me to rot in this mess of mine? My thoughts are twisted and tangled. Show me my wrong. Draw me out from it.

Moses, drifting down the Nile in a pitch-covered basket, before being claimed by the pharoah's daughter.
Jonah, cut off and miserable in the belly of the fish, before preaching the message of his life.
David, sleeping in a dim cave and running scared, before God made him king.
Peter, thrown into the prison, before the angel came and led him out through open doors.
Jesus, alone in a cold, black tomb, before rising in triumph over death.
Locked in and left in the cramped dark, each one. Drawn out, each one.

Yes, there have been such days before, and many things I have not understood. Nor do I yet understand.

But I am Yours, Lord Jesus.

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