Trusting

O God, in this dark, I can't see. But I know You can.

I am tired of controlling my emotions, strung too tight; I'm tired of willing myself still when I want to run away, throw a tantrum, bite and kick and scream; I'm tired of saying nothing when my heart is full of words. I believe that You are able to fill up my whole heart with Your love. You are able to make me what I long to be. You are able to set me free from myself, from my narrow perspective and my self-centredness and my stumbling. I know that You are giving me Good, even here, even now. I trust You.

What are You teaching me? Where are You taking me? I am too weak for this journey, but change me and make me able, Father. Set me free to love as You love, always willing to be hurt again, always giving and seeking and giving again, even when nothing comes back to You. Fill me with love from the Source, so that I can keep giving when I do not receive in return. Teach me to give away what is precious, not from the overflow, but out of what I want most. Put love in my heart, Father. There is no love in me. Have mercy on my smallness and my weakness, God. Read my deep heart - You know me to the depths.

When I am emptied from giving all I've got, and when everything I have and am is still not enough, then come to me and fill up all my empty places and my stricken heart, and hold my hand, and teach me how I am Yours, and remind me how Your love always finds me, Father.