He That Spared Not His Own Son

He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? (Romans 8:32)

If I had written this verse, it would have run something more like this: He spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, so why can`t you just be happy with that?

But God is more kind and more generous than my mixed-up mind is capable of imagining these days, and He doesn`t scold me for refusing to be content with what ought to satisfy me. Even now, when my child-heart is full of crying and selfishness, He is merciful and full of good gifts. I am so narrow-minded and dim. Still, He is Good and my cold, cold heart melts a little at His unexpected mercy and suddenly, I find something stiff and angry and entirely unreasonable in me bowing low before Him.

I.can.trust.Him. Life has no guarantees, but He who gave His own Son, He is the guarantee. God hurting. God weeping. God bleeding. He cares for my hurting, weeping, bleeding heart. I have to remember this. I have to remember it again and again, and speak this truth into my own soul when it is weighed down by lies and the smoke of what seems.