The hard thing about God is that you can't be sure what He will or won't do. You can be sure it will be good in the end, but you can't be sure it won't hurt horribly before then. God is kind - but the results of kindness can be scary too. Anyway, I know this is all a little-kid way to look at things, but that's how I'm looking at things these days. I do trust Him. I do want His way. I'm just small and weak and unreasonably scared of everything and unable to see more than a few feet in front of me.
My heart is full of whispered lies and I am weary and desperate for the truth: the truth that God loves to his own hurt; that He is for me; that no matter how much it looks like the Enemy is winning, he has already been defeated; that love will always win over hate; that kindness is more powerful than political force; that in Jesus I am precious, I am sought, I am loved; that God is always in control and always working for good.
Father, thank you for giving me good when I am too short-sighted to appreciate it. Thank you for waiting while I learn who You are. Thank you for loving me enough to give me the kind of good that You know will make me hurt and angry and full of bitterness and blame. I can't see beyond this, but I believe You. And when I can't believe, I will hold on to You. I will wait for Your end when all I can feel is hurt and hopeless. You have given me no promise but Yourself. You are the Beginning and the End. I have tasted Your goodness, and I hope in Your love. I rest my weary soul in You. I honor Your Name. Search my heart to the depths and see me sure of You beneath the tumult. You are worthy of my trust, even when my emotions claw it back and overcome me and I lose the peace of trusting You - still, You are worthy, and I will wait for You.
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