The Agony of Agape

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols

Jerk the pews & all the decorations, too

Until the congregations few, then have revival

Tell your friends that this is where the party ends

Until you're broken for your sins, you can't be social

Then seek the Lord and wait for what he has in store

And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful

'cause you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song

Take a break from all the plans that you have made

And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper

Beg him please to open up his mouth and speak

And pray for real upon your knees until they blister

Shine the light on every corner of your life

Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open

Then read the Word and put to test the things you've heard

Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

We must not worship something that's not even worth it

Clear the stage, make some space for the one who deserves it

'cause I can sing all I want to

Yes, I can sing all I want to

I can sing all I want to

And still get it wrong

And you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can, you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song

Worship is more than a song

Worship is more than a song

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols

And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. (2John 1:6)

Alan Redpath says that the English word "agony" comes from "agape". It's not hard to believe. There is a cost, a real agony, to loving agape-style, sacrificing on purpose, without expecting anything in return. I know that God asks us to do this, but I haven't been able to. I want to, but I can't. I find myself running from the agony of it every time.

If I loved God most, I could love others more. If I trusted God, I could allow people to hurt me. What is it that has risen in my heart and blocks my way to freedom in Christ? What robs me of the glorious mystery of "Christ in you"? What sucks my joy and saps my strength and terrorizes me with darkness in weak moments?

Father, let me worship you. I have failed to love You best. I have withheld the worship You deserve. I have given in to fear. I am ready for You to change me. I am ready for this agony, because it is better than the bitterness that overtakes me when I don't have Your love. I will trust You. Do what You will with me, and tear out every idol that raises itself before you in my heart. Let me love You so I can love the people around me. Let me see Your beauty. Let me see the beauty You have placed in the most obnoxious and frustrating people in my life. Restore me. I hunger for this power.

Love suffers long, and is kind;
I can be kind for a while, but it wears thin. I am certainly not kind after suffering too long.

love envies not;
I envy. I feel hurt and frustrated when I see others in the place I want and think I deserve.

love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up,
I get puffed up and feel the need to defend my qualifications, my right to the treatment I think I ought to have.

Does not behave itself rudely,
Oh. I find myself not caring about other people's feelings. All I can think about is my own.

seeks not her own,
And I go running after what's mine, what I think I deserve.

is not easily provoked,
How easily I am provoked these days! A word or two out of place and I am raging...

keeps no record of evil;
This is the bitterness that sets in when the suffering has gone on too long: I take satisfaction in counting it up and reminding myself of it, because it justifies my anger and my pain.

Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
Bitterness always gives way to taking satisfaction in the wrong things. I am pleased when I see others making the same mistakes as me, because it justifies my own wrong.

Bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never fails...

Father. I am failing. I long for the power to agape-love. My way isn't working. It isn't giving me any power, any satisfaction, any strength. Come and set me free from myself. Tear every root of bitterness from my heart. Renew worship in me, and let me love you with my mind. Fill my thoughts. Overcome me and remove all that I have placed above You in my heart. I am willing to be changed. Clear the stage, and set the sound and lights ablaze. I will seek You. I will wait for You.