Sunday, 9 September 2012

Into the Storm

In this world, hurt always becomes hate. It is the way of things.

Through the dark, Jesus calls us to a different way. He holds out his hands - pierced for us - and offers to let us love through the hurt. It is no simple thing. It is unnatural. It flies in the face of all that we have been taught, and all that we feel. It is perhaps the biggest fight of our lives, this struggle to give up our right to hate. It is also maybe the way we most exercise faith - faith that says there is a God of mercy who sees and allows; faith that announces the presence of another, spiritual realm, where heart-choices matter and Love always wins, no matter what the score looks like from here.

I feel so tired of this struggle. I want to run away. I am ashamed of my own weakness and small-ness. I am lost and weary and disappointed. Everything in me tends toward hate. No, not everything. God's Spirit is in me, and he longs for love to overcome. He trusts. Waits. Tugs me forward when I would fall down in despair. Touches me gently when the hurt grows too great. Draws my eyes from my miserable self. In his time, he will give me freedom and peace. He will give me new eyes to see and a new heart to love. He will quell the deep fears that shake my soul. He will teach me to dance a dance that will please the heart of God himself.

My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest—I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah. I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.” (Psalm 55:4-8)

But as for me, I trust in you. (Psalm 55:23)

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. (1 Peter 2:23)

I, too, will entrust myself to him who judges justly. I will fold up my jumbled fears and hurts and misplaced wants, and I will give them to him who is able to turn them into something valuable. I will call on his Name, that great I AM. I will bend myself before him and worship him with singing. I will learn who he is. Someday, I will fly free - not to escape the storm, but into the storm. I will bring God joy.

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